dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
