How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
