Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
