I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
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Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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