I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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