you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
