You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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