Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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