we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
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Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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