Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
