I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize