She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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