That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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