i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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