Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
