And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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