ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
