I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
