sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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