Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
