Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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