Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
