You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
