She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
