shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
