You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
