wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
