last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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