Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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