Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
