i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
