Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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