I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize