he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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