So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
