I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
