We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
