Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
