zippers are such a cool invention
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
