i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
