Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
