i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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