oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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