Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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