Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
