You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
