Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
