So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
