So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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