I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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