She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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