I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
