dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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