talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
