It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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