I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
