Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
MIDGETS
????
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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