so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
