id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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