Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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