Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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