i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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