I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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