Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
