dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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