Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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