Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
