So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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