I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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