my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
